Building and Sustaining Godly Relationships

How do you build a Godly relationship that lasts? In this episode, Ben and Taffney Nickerson share their journey through singleness, purposeful dating, and five years of Christ-centered marriage. We explore practical steps for honoring God in every relationship stage, plus hot takes on Christian culture’s trending relationship topics.  Perfect for singles, couples, and anyone seeking faith-filled relationship advice.

Listen now and be encouraged to pursue relationships that glorify God and reflect His love.

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Chapters

• 1:49 The Foundation of Godly Relationships
• 6:20 The Season of Singleness
• 17:22 Dating with Purpose
• 29:03 Marriage and Covenant Love
• 38:52 Quick DIGs: Hot Topics in Christian Culture
• 46:51 Final Thoughts

Transcript

Welcome to dig deep conversations with Christian leaders where we inspire change and empower 

purpose-driven leadership. I'm your host Dr. Jurya C. Aujo and today's episode is all about
godly relationships. We'll explore how to build a strong foundation, embrace the season of
singleness, date with purpose, and sustain a Christ-centered marriage. Joining me today are my friends
Ben and Taffney Nickerson, a wonderful Christian couple with the beautiful family. Thanks so much
Ben and Taffney for joining me on the show. First of all, let's have you all introduce yourself.
Just tell us a little bit about who you are, how long you've been married, and what you do.
Hello everyone, my name is Taffney Nickerson. I am a mother of four, a current law student, and
we've been married for five years, and professionally I work as a state coordinator
in the education sector. So I'm excited to be here. Hey everybody, my name is Ben Nickerson,
married to the lovely Taffney Nickerson, as she stated five years.
Dad, father, husband, professionally I'm a director of business development in the tech industry,
research, and development. Also in school, graduate school, finishing a master's of theology in
May, and then starting PhD in leadership studies in the fall. So excited to be here. Thank you,
Dr. Jurya for having us. So excited to have you all here. Thank you again for saying yes.
Let's start at the very beginning, the foundation. So building a godly relationship begins with
understanding God's design for relationships and for marriage. So what does the Bible teach us about
laying a strong foundation for relationships? So I think it's really important to understand that
relationships, whether it's marriage, whether it's friendship, it all starts really with your
relationship with God. Mark 12, 3031, Jesus says, love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. That's the greatest commandment.
That's his response in that passage. And so I think for anyone pursuing a relationship,
it's extremely important that God is first. You can't love anyone else if you don't love him.
And so you have to keep that top of mind and that has to be at the very basic level,
the foundation of any relationship. Absolutely. And Tafni, how do you or how can someone discern
if a relationship aligns with God's will? I would say first off, if that relationship is
in zinc with God's will. So as you are building relationships with anyone, your romantic partner,
your co-workers, your family and friends, it's you're looking at relationships that's going to
align with the will and purpose of God that God has for you and your life. And so those relationships
should be supportive on both ends. And then also, I would say with ease, we have lots of stress
in our lives and lots of stressors, but relationships shouldn't be one of them. And so I believe me
personally, if a relationship is aligned with God and it's supposed to be part of my life and
work and works with Christ, then that relationship is going to support me and help me get to the
place where God wants me to be. I 100% agree with that. One of my constant persists has always been
Lord, if there's anyone in my life that is a hindrance to my relationship with you, just remove
them from my life. Whether it's romantic, friendship, work, I think sometimes there are people that
come into our lives and they seem to be good, but it ends up being that they're a distraction.
And so that's just a prayer that I've always praised. I 100% agree with that. Ben, do you have anything
to add with that as well? Yeah, sure. I would just say I think additionally trust is important
as far as discerning if a relationship aligns with God's will. But I would say instead of trusting
the person first, trusting God, right? Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your
own understanding and all your ways acknowledge Him and He'll direct your path. So if you trust God,
you trust Him to give you the desires, who to desire, the type of relationship to desire,
you have to trust Him leading you in that, right? I think a big mistake sometimes people make is
that we attempt to trust people without trusting God. If you can't trust God who's all knowing,
all loving, omnipotent, you're definitely not going to be able to trust a person that's here
in the flesh. So trust is huge. Absolutely. And I think, you know, can either of you just share
maybe a little nugget of for someone who is saying, you know, I have a difficult enough time trusting
people, but I'm also in a season where it's difficult for me to trust God. Like, do you have a nugget
or a piece of wisdom that you can share with someone that's just like, I really want to trust God,
but I just don't know that I can do that. Yeah. I think everyone's probably been there in their
life at some point in time, whether it's because something happened in a relationship, friendship,
whatever. And so the first thing I would say is just to, to be, to know that you can be transparent
with the Lord and how you feel, right? That's the great thing about the relationship with the Lord
is that He hears us. He knows our heart. He knows our desires. He knows our feelings. So be transparent
in that Lord. I'm having a trust time, a difficult time trusting you. And then from there,
really seeking what God has to say about trust through His Word, speaking those things over your
life, confessing those things to build your face so that you can trust Him. That's excellent.
Sorry, take a note here, y'all. Y'all know I like to take notes. If you're listening to the show,
you know, I like to take notes. I like to go back over for myself. In thinking of trusting God,
I think, you know, when it comes to being in a season of singleness, trusting that God has a
plan for your life, for your dating life, whether that plan be marriage or not, before our listeners
that are in a season of singleness, let's just talk a little bit about thriving in that phase.
So how can singles embrace this time and focus on God's purpose for their lives?
I would say that as a single person or just living in living in singleness, if you choose two or
not, I mean, that's your choice. But just be careful and watch for other things that you
partake in on your day-to-day activities. I would say,
act yourself, is this activity or what I'm doing going to take me away from Christ or take me
closer to Christ and will this at the end of the day align with the purpose and will that God
has for me and the plan that I set out for myself to achieve or it's just going to distract me
from getting to that end goal. And as you work on yourself and work on all the things that you know,
you want to change and to become that better person that you want to be, as you do those things,
when you start doing other activities to take you out of that will of Christ, you're going to start
seeing that you're slowly getting away from the will and the purpose and then also your end goal.
Like let's say you wanted to become a director at your company or you want to get a promotion
of some sort or even find another job. And so you know, like a piece of your time and your day has to
go into praying, listening and just being ready for God to speak, but also preparing for that promotion,
getting the work done for that promotion. We all have things on our jobs that we must complete
to show ourselves worthy for the next level. Now, if you're at work and you're single or you're at
home and you're just doing things that's keeping you distracted from getting to that place,
then that is something to be watching for because that's almost the enemy attacking you at that point.
And not allowing you to become who God said you should be. So as you walk in your singleness,
just always think about what am I doing? Is this driving my purpose or getting me away from my purpose?
Because everything we do, she always been alignment to what we know that God has chosen for us to do
and become in our lives. And it sounds like something I tell my students, you know, every step that you
take in your life, whether it's at school, choosing a class, getting, you know, involved on campus
activities, that sort of thing, every step that you take should be leading you toward your purpose,
right, toward whatever it is that you desire to do when you graduate. And so I think I can see
that similarities to that with this season of singleness, where everything that you do,
or the decision that you make, should be leading towards your purpose and not away from it.
So I love that you mentioned, you know, is it bringing you closer to Christ or is it driving
you further away? And sometimes you can't really tell until you wake up one day and you're like,
oh snap, I didn't realize I was so far away from God. But I think that's really important to make
sure in that season of singleness that you also keep that in mind. Ben, can you talk to us a little
bit about what are some myths about singleness that you've encountered? And I know you and Tafi
have been married for five years now. So this is a long, long time ago. But what are some myths
about singleness that you encountered in Christian culture? And how can we change that narrative?
Yeah, I think one of the biggest myths is that it's boring being by yourself.
Um, you know, now that we're married, I can still say, you know, we have a great marriage, great
relationship. You still need to know how to be by yourself and have fun. Um, I think a lot of times
people have this idea, um, this myth that, oh my gosh, it's just terrible being alone. Um,
it doesn't have to be that way. Um, I would say embrace that time because once you do get married,
you're one, right? And no, no one's getting married not to stay married, right? And so you're not
going to necessarily have that time, boring, you know, you know, something happening to a spouse,
something along those lines. So definitely understanding that you can embrace the single life,
you can have fun. It doesn't have to be boring and it doesn't, you don't have to be alone,
right? Um, I mean, of course, the Lord, the Holy Spirit is with us, but outside, aside from that,
you don't have to feel lonely either. Um, one of the things I remember is just, you know,
actively pursuing God's purpose for my life. Yes, I prayed. Yes, I read my Bible, but also kind of
like Tafini was talking about, um, proactively enhancing my skill sets, right? Um, my personal life,
my well-being, my mental health, my physical health, like really having a holistic viewpoint
of who I was as a person working on that. So then when I finally did meet her, I was ready. Um,
so I think those are some things that kind of help in understanding how in Christian culture,
you can be happy, you can be single and you can enjoy it. I think there's something that you
mentioned that typically, you know, women are told to prepare for their husbands. You need to learn
how to cook. So you can cook for your husband. You need to learn how to, you know, take care of your
homes. So you could take care of your husband and your family and that sort of thing. And you
mentioned, um, on your end, like taking care of yourself and learning, um, and building up your skill
sets. So that way, you could be ready for when you, uh, wanted to be married. I think that's so
important to hear a man say that, um, and, and to give that sort of insight for other men,
because I think a lot of times as a church, we don't always put, um, that bug into a man's ear.
It's more so we lean into the woman needs to be prepared for marriage. And we don't really
give that same energy to young men and teaching them and showing them how to prepare to be, uh,
not just married, but to be good husbands as well. Absolutely.
So if you could describe your season of singleness in one word, what would it be?
Um, I guess I'll take this one too. I would say just one word discovery. It was, it was
discovery for me. You know, we're, we're blended, um, previously, you know, this is, I was married
previously, um, that ended. And so during that time, I was single, it was really the first time as an
adult that I functioned as a single person. Um, so I really got to discover who I was like,
what did I really enjoy doing? What does my day look like? Um, what can I cook? What can't I cook?
How do I learn how to cook it? Um, understanding like what, what a schedule with just me looks like.
So it was, it was really a period of discovery. And it was also a period of discovery in my
relationship with the Lord, right? It was, it was a period of healing. It was a period of drawing
closer as far as an intimate relationship and understanding hearing his voice, um, in that
context. I think that was critical for me. So that, that period of discovery was, it was great.
I love that. I'm add on with you to that one. I would say for me grows, um, because I took
opportunity to really decide where I wanted to go. And what I really saw my life vision looking
like, um, I was also previously married, um, divorced. And I just really wanted to
take the time to grow myself, grow in my career, grow in, if I wanted to earn any additional
degrees, um, growth in Christ. And then I used my plan mentally that I kind of wrote down.
As a tool to help me decide, um, if my partner coming in was aligned and was a partner through
Christ versus a partner that I just, it's like, I just need to meet somebody because if he didn't
align with those goals that it was already preset. And if he was like, oh, you can't go to law
school or you can't do this or you shouldn't be working about that, then that wouldn't have me
think twice. Like, God, did you send him for me? Or did I just find him on, um, the street corner
and I just was like, ooh, a man, right? So it was very, um, true telling what was really meant
for me and who God was placing in my life because I know that I wanted to explore and pursue a law
degree and go to law school. And I know I had to, um, work really hard because I needed to get
working on my current job or even find a different job that allowed me to have some flexibility.
But I also needed a partner who would say, I can support you in this. Let me pick up that extra
meal to cook dinner while you have class. Let me run and get the kids from school. Um, as we work
together, we were able to partner and look at each other's goals and say, we can support that.
And so within that support, that gave me that determined that, yes, this is a Christian, um,
Christ's like relationship and it's going to be covering through the law of the Lord. And so
it was really an important, an important time for me to decide and understand who I was,
what I wanted to become and where I saw my life spend in the next five, 10, 15, 20 years.
And so by understanding me, I was able to understand what relationships were for me and which ones
was not. And I would say that, you know, both of your words compliment each other as well,
right, discovery and growth. Um, and I think, you know, for me, um, I knew that I needed to be in a
place where I was comfortable being single where I wasn't feeling the pressure to be in a relationship
or to be married simply because that's what everyone was saying I should be doing.
Um, and so my season of singleness, it was about being satisfied and being content with being
single. Did I desire more? Absolutely. But I think I got to a place where I was comfortable enough
to say, God, if you don't have more for me, I'm also really okay with that. Um, because I think,
you know, women can idolize marriage, some women can idolize marriage, some women can idolize
relationships. And I didn't want to fall into that trap. Um, so I love hearing that you all are
sharing your words as like discovery and also growth and talking a lot about knowing who you are
and also who you want to be your goals and your aspirations and really praying about,
is this the person that you have sent to help, you know, help me transition to those goals
into this person who I want to be. So, um, I love both of those words there to describe your
singleness for sure. Um, so moving out of singleness, let's talk about dating with purpose.
And I think that's what I'm hearing from the both of you is that, you know, you both have been
previously married, um, and really did not want to rush into anything, um, and wanted to
discover yourselves and kind of grow and who you were and be very intentional, um,
about dating. And so when it comes to dating with purpose, I think it's one of the keys to a
Gabby relationship. Um, how do you think Christian couples can ensure their relationships
glorify God from the start? Sure. I'll start off there. Um, I would say number one, just understanding,
kind of, I guess your your boundaries in the relationship and not putting yourself in a position
to where, um, you're you're going to do anything that doesn't glorify God if that makes sense,
right? So structuring the dynamic of your relationship with respect to to God first to his word
and also to each other. Um, and then in doing that, communicating about it, right? Um, I think
communication throughout a relationship, but especially when your dating is extremely important
because you have to be on the same page, you have to understand what the expectations are,
and then you have to understand what the expectations aren't. So being very clear about that,
being clear in communication. Um, but then also I would say not being afraid to enjoy each other
and have fun. Like it doesn't have to be this stuffy relationship where not knocking it, but like,
you don't have to go to YPW for your date, right? You can do other things, um, besides that, um,
and still love the Lord and still have a good time and still be a Christian couple that's developing
and blossoming, right? You can do all those things. So I think sometimes, especially, you know,
both of us grew up as preachers kids. We grew up in the old school, you know, down south church
regarding Christ. That's how we grew up. And so sometimes you can get stuck in this kind of a
not knee of, okay, I can't go out after eight because XYZ, right? It doesn't have to be that way.
Right. I agree. And for the record, for the listeners, going to a church service is not a date
y'all. Stop doing that. You got that's, that's not a date. You are going to church for your spiritual
growth and to worship God. If you go out to dinner afterwards, that could be considered a date.
There's been a hole back and forth with some of my friends that, and I'm like, no, y'all,
going to church is not a date. Cut it out. To have you do you have anything to add about how
Christian couples can ensure that their relationship glorifies God from the beginning?
I would say just what impression as a couple or do you leave them on other people?
So as you interact and mingle and hang out with your friends, family, anyone that's in your
community that you might run into, if you're truly grounded in Christ, we don't have to speak
on it 24-7. It should just be who we are. And so when we're out and we're just hanging out with
our friends and just talking and laughing and having a really good time, but when we leave,
we're always leaving them with some some negative how to grow their relationship or how to
solve this problem that occurred throughout the month or week. And so I think just having
that connection with each other through having that connection through Christ, it's just who you are
and it just becomes what you do day-to-day without you wearing a shirt or a hat or the saying,
I love Jesus. We know you love Jesus, but how is that showing to other people and what impressions
are you leaving on and most other people? I had one more thing too. I thought about one more thing.
I'd say also in the dynamic of your relationship, I think I believe God is glorified when
you can both worship together and also confide in each other together through prayer and support.
I think one of the biggest things are we were dating. I went through a season where it was just
like I had people pass away in my family and she was really there for me in that time frame,
in that time period. I remember another time I was interviewing for a role and it was like
four interviews back to back to back an hour long. It was pretty much all day and then when I came
out she was there and she wanted to go to lunch and just she was there for me. So in caring for
each other and really just showing the level of Christ in your relationship, I believe God is
glorified and other people see that too. Absolutely. There's a couple that I know they've been married
for a few decades now and they talk about when they first started dating, all they would talk
about was church and God. I was like, got in and talk about nothing now. I don't love anything else.
I don't like to do anything else. They were like, no, because they didn't have other younger
couples in their lives to help them understand that when you're married, even in a Christian marriage,
there's more to it than just going to church and having a relationship with God. Those are very
important, but your entire marriage, you know, there are other things that are happening in the world,
right? There are other things, other likes, other interests that you should have as individuals,
as a couple. And so they try and impart that wisdom on other couples that they're around as well.
And so hearing you all share that, I'm knowing that, you know, there's married couples out there
and it's more than just like, let's get together and have testimony service. Like, no, that's great.
We can talk about God's goodness, but we can also like do other fun things and talk about other
interests that we have. When it comes to looking up to other couples or, you know, mentorship,
what role did community or mentorship play in both of your dating journeys?
So within our community, and it's not the outside public opinions, it was truly like, who we really
was friends with, grew up with, or just really knew us, knew me as an individual,
knew being as an individual. When we brought them into to meet each other and hang out, it was
very more so like, what do you see as us together? How do you see Benjamin in my life or how do you
see Taffney and Benjamin's life? Do we complement each other? Do you see a place where we might have
conflict? Do you see where we might need to adjust our thinking or how we can handle blending
our family and mixing our children together? So we really rely on our community, which is a very
small tight-knit circle of friends and family to just kind of like give us an outside view in
on what they were seeing as we interacted. So like you say, we didn't have to go to church
for this opinions to happen. We were at Dana or we went to see movies or went bowling or we
said each other's house is kind of having like a little hang out cook out session. I'm from Louisiana
so you know like the cook and so my friends are from all over Ohio, West Virginia. They
think they're Louisiana cookers but I don't tell them otherwise. But we just really wanted to
as we commune together, as we fellowship together, as we just let them kind of observe us and then
give us feedback. And we took that feedback as okay, they saw some positives, they saw how this
can work, they saw where we were complementing each other and their approvals really matter.
If they had any type of hesitations, we wanted to hear that because when you have a family and
you're mixing and you're trying to blend as one, it really is important that your community
is involved and on board because you're going to need that help to support as we raise our children,
go to football games, our kids are very active and so just having that support, so when they support
us at the marriage, at the wedding, then they were able to be there to support us as a family too.
Ben, did you have anything to add because I think it's a great segue but I don't want to
I don't want to cut you off if you had anything to add there. Yeah, just I'll kind of touch on the
the mentorship piece. But before that, what I'll say about community is that we both had a conversation
and agreed that there was a difference between our community being in our dating journey and the
public being in our dating journey. And we both, it was our decision and I think it's important
that every dating, you know, every couple that's dating has this conversation. We didn't want the
public as a part of, you know, the public is our community. We were at that time, we still are
just kind of private people and so we defined that early on so there was never conflict there.
I think that's definitely important. As far as the mentorship piece, you know, we were blessed,
thankful, we didn't have to go far because both of our parents were sets of our parents were
kind of that mentor were those mentors for us, right? Married, you know, 30, 35 plus years at the time
when we were dating, had children successfully raised us, you know, pastoring all those things.
So we were able to kind of look to them as the blueprint in the model. Granted, we didn't like
make a copy, Google sheet, make a copy of their marriage because obviously we're different people
with a different time. But from a foundation, we were able to kind of talk about what we saw,
what we wanted it to be and then talk to them about it. I remember, you know,
Tiffany came to my parents house, we sat, we talked, they got to know her. I remember my mom
saying, she's like, I need to look her in the eyes, you know, like that was her verbiage.
I went to meet Tiffany's parents. I was dressed full suit for Sunday, like tie white shirt,
went to the church, had text service prayed with with pastor, with her dad. And afterwards,
I guess I did all right because he said, all right, you're good. But that was the type of mentorship
that both of us had. And I think it had a really profound impact on us dating and then also,
you know, even in our marriage today. That's, I really love the community versus the public.
You know, those who you trust, those whose opinions you all trust versus the opinions of random
strangers on the internet, right? And I think being very intentional about what you share and what
you don't share. But also, I think jumping back to you all mentioned earlier about like
expecting, setting those expectations, communicating expectations, you know, figuring out what's
going to work for you all in your relationship, you know, what you're sharing on social media,
what you're not sharing. I do think and agree with both of you that that is very important. And,
you know, as you all talked about being married for five years, having a blended family,
I'm hearing communication is important, you know, making sure that you all are rooted and grounded
in your relationships with Christ. But what are some other key elements that have helped you
sustain a Christ-centered marriage? So the key elements for us were definitely communication,
on goal setting annually. Before we even got married, we sat down and did a goal setting
activity together. I'm very goal-oriented, so I need to know what we're going and why.
How are we going to get here? I need a roadmap completely. I need that blueprint.
And then also, as we before and after, we will pray to make sure that those goals were aligned.
And just really having the open mind and knowing how to not
give who yourself, who you are, away or give it up, but knowing how to work together
and taking who you are and bringing it to the relationship, that's one of the best ways I can think of.
Yeah, I think I can piggyback on that. As far as bringing yourself to the relationship
and learning to work together, I think that's important. Like in our dynamic, I'd say I'm probably
the more intense person on the day-to-day. She balances that out with me, right? She'll be like,
hey, you need to relax. You need to calm down. It's going to be okay, like whatever it is, right?
And so like you said earlier, it just really compliments. We compliment each other extremely well.
And in that, I think I said it before, but just finding ways to have fun, especially when you're
married, like married, we have children, we're both in school, we have obligations, we have things,
we have church, all these different things, but still finding a way to have fun and connect
and not stop dating, right? It's extremely important. And I would say not being afraid to even
schedule that time, that's something that we've had to do, like everyone loves spontaneity,
like that's fantastic, right? But sometimes life is life and so that happens to be intentional
and strategic and carving out that time for each other. So if you need to have a joint calendar,
like we do and schedule it, do that. It just, it helps you stay connected. And then of course,
the prayer, the time spent and worship together. And I would also say sometimes giving each other
the space to hear from God. If there's something that we're not necessarily seeing eye to eye,
on at that moment, just letting it breathe, allowing God to speak to both of us. And a lot of times,
it'll just someone will say something and be like, oh, well, I thought that too. And it just kind of,
it works out. Those are some of the elements I'd say.
I really love, you know, the the intention behind, you know, the intention behind
making time for each other. Because again, you all, like you said, are both in school and your
parents. And you have, you know, you work in your ministries and you have social lives as well.
And so the intention behind making time for one another, which can be very tricky,
you know, like it's tricky for me to try and get time together with just my girlfriends,
let alone, you know, my fiance, that sort of thing. And so I think a lot of people don't really
understand or really expect it to be like, no, you legit have to make time for, you know,
the things that are important to you. And sometimes that does mean setting aside a like, okay,
hey, are you available at Tuesday night at seven o'clock? Let's do a date night. And even if it's
just Tuesday night at seven for like an hour, but that's like you all's time. And I love hearing
that you're intentional about that and you're not allowing, you know, the busyness of your
lives to kind of get in the way of the two of you connecting and remaining connected.
What are some ways that you all model, you know, Christ like love for your children through your
marriage? I would say correction. All law. I mean, we don't correct them then. It's not
correct. Like doing it with love, eating with love, eating with always understanding,
why are you doing the things you're doing? And is it serving you to get to where you know that you
want to be? And where you know that God wants you to be? And if you do not know where God wants you
to be, let's take a step back. Let's pray. Let's find scripture that relates to your life at this
moment because they are still just children. And so can't get too deep with them.
But just making sure that they always keep Christ first. And so like if one of our children
kiddos come in and they have a problem, did you pray about it?
You're nervous about this activity that's coming up. Just pray about it.
Yeah. Always reminding them, go turn to prayer. Turn to God in your most
scariest time, most anxious time, most nervous time. And then remember what we told you
as your parents. Because so we are correct. But just really trying to and just reinforce always
Christ like love, leading with love, leading with understanding, leading with we know your
kids, you might make some mistakes. We are not here to push you out and say how dare you.
But we're here to help you figure out why that occurred and how we can correct it and how we can
move forward. And I think those are all things that Christ wants us to do not every day life.
What do we do? How do we do it? Why did we do it? And they have to move forward. Was it a positive?
Was it a negative? Just understanding those behaviors and decisions that we make on a day-to-day
basis is what gives you closer and closer to Christ. Because a Christ like decisions will move
you in a positive direction. Christ like this un-Christ like decisions will leave you standing
and still or even take you backwards. And so you have to take some stock in your life and say,
am I moving forward? Or am I staying in still? And so like for my kids, say, are you making
the grace you want to make? A's B's, B's C's, these L's. Like what's causing you to get these
grades? Yeah. And then so if it's something that's like really hindering you, like friendships,
are those friendships serving you? How can we better shape your life where you can get to where
you want to go? And so those are all things that they should, I would like for them to take with
them as they grow and just kind of evaluate their day-to-day activities and how they're living
their life. Absolutely. Absolutely. To add on to that, I would say number one, just modeling
how to worship in our family, right? So not just depending on church to pray or to talk about God,
really being intentional and praying as a family, right? It might be awkward, but you know,
if I feel I feel the the leading of the Lord, I'll call them all downstairs and we're going to pray
and I'm going to annoy you. If the Lord tells me to cross something out, I'm calling out. That's
what it is. So modeling that so they understand that hey, like it's not just a one-day-a-week thing,
right? This is an everyday walk with the Lord that we have to take. And then I would say loving
each other, right? Like treating each other right as husband and wife, watching how we speak to each
other and then allowing them to even see, you know, our playful side, they know when, you know,
they know when we're going on a date, they see what we wear, how we act like I go on on a date again,
like yeah, we are. So don't call us, no, just play notes. But just modeling that for them because
that's important, like they need to have a model of, you know, certainly consistency in their walk
with the Lord, but also a model of consistency inside a godly relationship. That's important and
we do our best to expose them to them. I love that. And I think to one of the things I heard is,
you know, from parents is modeling conflict resolution in a marriage as well. And so helping
their children to understand, you know, sometimes like you will have disagreements, but there is
the way to go about disagreeing. And here's how we come to some sort of resolution, some sort of
understanding. And so I think it's really important. I don't know that people with, I don't know
the people without children, you know, I certainly don't have children and I don't really fully
understand how much children watch you in model your behavior, you know, until I spend some time
around little ones. And then I happen to be saying, you know, whatever word and then all the sudden,
you know, my gods don't start saying that. I'm like, oh gosh, no, like I don't, you don't say that,
I shouldn't be saying that either. And so just thinking about how much children are like sponges
and they just pick up everything. And so if we're talking about that, the relationships and
talking about, you know, modeling, Christ, like behavior, making sure that as parents,
we're modeling that behavior every day, not just in church, but outside of church as well.
I want to shift gears really quick as we get to the end of our show. We have a segment called
quick digs, hot topics and Christian culture. So these questions I did not send ahead of time.
These ones are going to do right off the top of our head. I'm going to ask a question you're going
to respond with your thoughts. It's super quick and honest. Are you all ready to answer some of these
questions? We're ready. Okay. So the first question, I did ask on my social media and I had the
dig deep squad asked on their social media as well. And the question was, should Christian couples
have joint social media accounts? I'm going to ask you all for your opinions first and then I'll
share what some of our listeners have said. So should Christian couples have a joint social media
account? Let me go first. Sure. This is, I don't want it to be a cop out, but I wouldn't say there's
one size fits all. Sure. And it's up to you as a couple. And in the dynamics of your relationship,
like if that's what you want to do, do it. If that's not, if one person walks to another person
doesn't it, maybe find middle ground, right? Find common ground there. I mean, I think the elephant
in the room is that, you know, if you do have a joint account, like something might have happened
in the relationship. Sure. That's, I mean, that might necessarily be true, right? I mean, the thing
ultimately just goes back to what works best for you and your spouse, the expectations that you
said and what the vision is for your marriage, for your relationship. And for me personally, I don't
really like social media like that. I have a Facebook from a years and years and years ago. I just
never got rid of it. I do not have Instagram. I do not tweet. I do not, I don't do anything.
I work enough. I do enough on the house with the kids in school. And so, um, so if being on
someone, I'm like, go forward. So he'll kind of keep me updated on what's happening.
I mean, he could have my account. There's nothing like just everything going on because I do
know, like he might tag me and I'm like, I'm tagging me. Like I really, I'm just like, I don't want
that out there, but I mean, it is. So if it's something that if it's a trust issue and you struggle
with that, then maybe your partner is understanding and they can say, yes, here, let's do this together.
It's just you being kind of petty and want to be messy. Then I will say, check yourself first.
Like why do you want to join account? And then otherwise, I will say, let each other have some fun
and just do your own thing. Like we have some individuality and I think we are, we have a right to
that. And I don't really want to watch everything that he does on social media. I don't even have
the time or the capacity to hear. Right. I really think it's just understanding your motives
for why it's the loving thing. Hey, go for it. But if you have other issues, you might want to just
kind of check on that as well. And I think that's the consensus from our listeners. Some people
said, you know, maybe if they're married, they could see that working. Some people said, you know,
if it's their personal accounts, no, but like if they do ministry together or their influencers,
like whatever the purpose is behind it, like if they have a joint purpose, then yes.
One person, I thought this was hilarious. So I'll read this one and we'll go to our next
question. One person said, it's just a way of coping for girls with boyfriends that don't post them.
And I was like, well, who hurt you in the past relationship? I'm sorry to hear that. But
we apologize. I thought it was very, very specific. So to that listener, I'm sorry.
Let's go to our next question. Is it okay for Christians to date someone of a different
faith? What are your thoughts? I wouldn't say it's definitely probably not ideal, right? I mean,
there are stories and there are people where it has worked. And ultimately, you know, the Lord
allowed them to lead that other person to Christ. So not going to again, it's definitely not,
I wouldn't say a one-size-fits-all, but you definitely need to be led of the Lord in doing that.
Because, you know, number one, it has to bite against itself, can't stand. So what's the
plan in doing this? Like, you know, are you going one way and they going up? Are they going
another and you're together? So I'm not going to just flat out say it can't be done because I know
people that, you know, it has happened, but it definitely needs to be, you know, something where you,
you see, you know, the Lord really working in it. Yeah, I would agree that it put God first
and at the center. And then as he leaves and guides you and see where it goes, but it just needs to
have a, what is the purpose? What do you two together? See as your purpose. And how do you see
yourselves working together and mixing? And if you might have children or bring children in,
how would you raise them? So I was like, you have to really think through the process.
And surprises come in because where they're surprised, they will be confusion. So they just
really talk through it. And if the guys put in the middle and if he's at the head, then it should be
okay. Right, right, right. Let's see. What's another quick one? Should churches host singles
events or speed dating events? What do you think? Singles events? Sure. Absolutely. I think it's a
way to fellowship. Speed dating, I would be personally, stay away from that at the church. Yes.
Oh, just simply because there's so many dynamics in play. And you want the church to be a place
for people to connect to meet God and not come in and not turn into a place where you're just
coming to meet each other. Right. Now, if dating develops as a result of being in the singles
ministry, awesome. Great. But just having an actual like speed dating at the church, I wouldn't say
I'm a proponent of that. If you do it, great. Like I'm just giving my first. Yeah. Absolutely.
Right. Right. I guess it depends on how much offer they're going to give to me.
Right. I give you my love. Do you keep it thousand? Or you have said you're taking it back?
Because when the church is not going to not do, they're not going to take them off.
They're going to take them off. Okay. They're going to get the whole way we're not loving.
Yeah. Build it for them. That's a good. The building. Listen, get that building fun together.
We're going to have to do more chicken dinners. No more none of that. We we can help the church.
We could build up the church. Listen, all good. My final quick dig, high topics for you all,
is what is your go-to scripture for your relationship?
I would say for me, all things work together for good to them who are called
according to his purpose. I'm paraphrasing. The reason I say that is it's a it's a common misconception.
So shout out to my dad. He harps on this all the time. But the scripture doesn't say all things work
together for your good. Right. scripture says all things work together for good. Well, what's good?
Good is whatever God has ordained and is part of his master plan. So that doesn't mean sometimes
you won't be frustrated. That doesn't mean sometimes things won't happen that you're not aligned with.
But as believers, as people of faith, as a couple of faith, we know that we're called we're
walking according to the plan of God for his purpose. So it's going to be aligned into what his
plan is. And because of that, as the old Saints used to say, the safest place in the whole of our
world is in the will of God. Absolutely. Absolutely.
So this is all we are at the end of our show. The end of the conversation for tonight. Thank you
so much for sharing your wisdom, for sharing your experiences, been in Taffney. Before we wrap up,
what advice would you give someone worried about that their past might disqualify them from having
a godly relationship? What advice would both of you give to maybe a listener out there who's worried
about that? I was like, just trust God. Trust God that he's going to put you in the position where
your past is not going to hinder anything. And he's going to place you with someone where they
have this understanding to take whatever happened to pass. Find those golden nuggets and push you
forward. So just having that true trust in God and trusting that those mistakes or whatever you
whatever happened in the past, it's not coming back to your future to take you down because your
partners there to support and stand by your side and get you to the next level. Awesome. Thank you.
Yeah, I would say also definitely agree with a trusting piece and then also understanding
healing for unforgiveness. I think a lot of times people are in that position or going through
something like that. You have to understand the nature of forgiveness. First of all, through God,
there's no condemnation, right? There's not there for no condemnation. And then also forgiving
yourself, right? Understanding that, okay, God has forgiven me. I can move forward myself from this
whatever it was. And in doing those two things praying, seeking and asking the Lord,
as you meet people, as you are dating, seeking a partner, you find someone that is open to
transparency and loves you even more as a result of your transparency. So someone that you can talk
through it with, that you can share with, that you can be completely honest and open and
trust so hard, honest, open, transparent. You can be that with them. And I think that's a big
part of it as well. So just asking God and seeking God's guidance and being aligned to that
individual. So you don't have this burden that you're carrying alone or this place in your heart
that is just strictly isolated to you. Right. Excellent. Very, very powerful. Thank you all so
much. Again, for coming on, for those of our listeners who want to say connected with you,
how can they do so? I'll be sure to put your contact information, that sort of thing in the
description. But can you just tell us how we can stay connected with you? Sure. So you definitely
want to follow Taffney on social media since she's so active. No. You can actually, you can follow
us. We are co-founders. We just launched a ministry called Family Covenant Consultants. The mission
for Family Covenant Consultants is to really serve as a network support and resources for blended
families. So married couples that might have children prior to being married and you're coming
together as one. You know, our desire is to connect with you. And then also other, you know,
couples, people that are thinking about that. So you can go to familycovenantconsultants.com,
subscribe. There's going to be a newsletter, prayer calls, ways to connect there. You can also
follow us on Instagram. So at Family Covenant Consultants, just one word and also Facebook just
searching that. The name of the organization and the search bar as well. Awesome. Thank you so
much. Ben, if you weren't mine, could you just say a quick word of prayer before we end the conversation
tonight? If you could say just a word of prayer. And if you could focus specifically on
family relationships, those who are looking for godly relationships and also marriage,
sure, absolutely. Dearly Father, Lord, we just thank you for this time. We thank you for Dr.
Zaria. Thank you for her vision for this time together and this podcast. We thank you just for
God-related relationships. Father, we thank you because you are the model of relationships
and that you sent your son to give his life for all of us so that we might be united with you.
And so God, as a result of that blueprint, I just pray for every single person that hears this
podcast, I pray that by your Holy Spirit through your word that they would be able to have encounters
with you. Number one, that you would be strengthened their relationship and their walk with you,
Father. We also pray that they would be united and strengthened in their relationships with
others, whether it's marriage, whether it's dating, whether it's just friendships, Father,
wherever they are, as that you meet them where they are and that they're able to apply principles
from your word and principles that were discussed in this podcast to their life. So they can move
forward, but most of all, so that you can get the glory. Father, I pray that you would get the
glory out of every single relationship, every single person that hears this podcast, that you would
be glorified in everything that we do and everything that we say in every connection that we make.
Father, I just pray that you would continually bless us, bless Dr. Zaria and all her endeavors and
her relationships and in the ministry that you blessed her with. We thank you for these
things in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all. Thank you to our listeners
for tuning in to dig deep conversations with Christian leaders. Be sure to subscribe and share
this episode with someone who might need it. Until next time, I will see you on the journey to a deeper
relationship with God.